During the Covid-19 crisis we have had to re-think a lot of what we take for granted.

For those who thrive on social connectivity this Lockdown will have been hard. I regarded myself as one of those but I think I have discovered something new about my ability to slow down and even stop.

Coming out of Lockdown it has been suggested that we might be allowed to socialise with up to 10 people at a time. Who would you choose in your top 10 friends and family? No Really who would you choose? Who would be your No 11. Are you going to tell them?

I have been quite interested in this subject of social circles for some time and have been meaning to look at Dunbar’s Number in more detail. For those unfamiliar there is a suggestion that we can only really be genuinely socially connected and maintain stable relationships with up to 150 people:

Dunbar's number is a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships—relationships in which an individual knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person.[1][2] This number was first proposed in the 1990s by British anthropologist Robin Dunbar, who found a correlation between primate brain size and average social group size.[3] By using the average human brain size and extrapolating from the results of primates, he proposed that humans can comfortably maintain 150 stable relationships.[4] Dunbar explained it informally as "the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar.

I have always questioned this number from personal experience. I know many of my extended friendships may not quite meet the definition of stable relationships. And I guess this is the key to the number.

During Lockdown I decided it was an opportunity to try to connect more deeply with friends. I decided to start with some of my social media. For example i follow 980 people on Instagram, so I decided this sounded too many. So I tried really hard to ‘lose’ a few people I didn’t want to know what they were having for breakfast dinner and tea. Guess what. I found I had made friends/ acquaintance with most people I followed (plus a few others like my Rugby club and some players who I enjoyed seeing for entertainment) . I found nobody I really wanted to cull! The same with twitter where I now seem to follow 2000 people. I found very few people I didn’t want to keep up to date with. My interactions may be minimal but I feel some form of loose connection.

I guess part of my problem is the roles I have had at ‘work’ and ‘play’. I also don’t just move in one circle. I have my personal friends, political friends (and foes), former constituents, team mates from 40 years of rugby, the wider rugby family, my connections through sports governance and sports bodies and through local economic development. I have numerous friends through my interests in faith organisations - literally from all over the world. Sometimes our interaction is a like or a quick comment, but I feel connected. I often wonder if people feel the same the other way round?

So when it came to Facebook I face a dilemma. I have apparently 4000 friends and followers. Because of my role as an MP I feel I have about 2000 more than I would normally. I seriously can’t maintain this platform and remain properly connected, so I will be making some difficult decisions over the coming weeks. But instead I did something I have really enjoyed. I just started going through my ‘Friends’ and contacting those I haven’t seen for a long time and just sent a message to say hi, I am thinking of you and how are you. It has been so heart warming to reconnect. I am doing it individually with about 10 at a time, so it will take me several weeks but it has turned into my new ‘hobby’ I would recommend it.

I have given up with LinkedIn. This was originally the social media platform that I was going to keep for people I actually knew and had met. I did ok until about 2400 friends. But then I started accepting and making friend requests to those in and around my circle of friends. I now think this figure now stands at around 7000 connections. Clearly this is way beyond the Dunbar 150 and I agree I have lost any claim that I know or feel connected with many of them.

So I have job to do. I want to get back to a point where I can spend a little more quality time with my friends physically after lockdown and also virtually through social media. The zoom and Teams meetings work well in many circumstances. I hope they stay. But I need to cut back those on the periphery

I heard today in a survey of Church members that there was a roughly 50/50 split in those who self reported enjoying the lockdown (I was in that group) and those who were struggling. Another who considered themselves an extrovert also admitted enjoying the period of lockdown.

So what is going on?

I put myself down as enjoying lockdown because I feel at the moment the gains I have made in terms of quality of life have outweighed the losses. I have time to read, think and blog , and no pressure to rush to get tasks completed, I have time to exercise every day without a meeting, call or group of emails making me feel guilty about not working!

On the other hand I am missing doing sport with friends as a group. In particular I am missing my rugby training. It has been a big part of my life for over 40 years.

Much of my ‘work’ these days is being around people at sports events and conferences picking up pieces of information and then putting them into something that makes sense again. I do miss hanging around at events and meeting old friends and making new ones. I usually enjoy going to an awards dinner and assuming I will come home with a few business cards and more importantly additional people I can continue to work with and learn from. My thirst for knowledge and learning drives my desire to make even more connections!

So what are we allowed to do at the moment?

• People should go out as little as possible and only if they have a "reasonable excuse"

• Leaving home for shopping, medical reasons or to exercise with members of your household is allowed

• Travel to and from work is permitted, but only when you cannot work from home

• If you have to go outside stay more than 2m (6ft) apart from anyone other than members of your household

What is it you enjoy about Lockdown?

What do you really miss?

So in the immediate future we should continue to obey the rules for social distancing. When, and only when, the government starts to relax some of the rules we can start to move to a little more contact. But we must obey these new norms and not try to force getting back to our previous lives too quickly. This potential of a second spike could be more dangerous than the first.

In the long run there might be a period where things almost look like they did before Covid-19 but this could be a long way off. We are going to need to be very patient. I have learned to be still during this period. I am not going to be forced back into a life of rushing and busyness. Are YOU?